What now, Darling?

The Darling River in Australia has all but dried up, according to a BBC report. This is due to industrial-scale cotton farming. Fish are dying in vast numbers and other types of wildlife are dying out. The people who depend on the river for their livelihood are struggling to survive. The problem is being made worse by severe drought, while other parts of the country are getting floods. Global climate change is most certainly playing a part.

It is distressing to see the dried-up river bed of the Darling, and the plight of the people who live on its banks. We are heading for a global catastrophe if industries don't reduce the damage they are causing by industrial-scale farming and other kinds of mass production.

Summer

"What kind of tree is that?" asked Holly, as she lay in a striped hammock, strung between two trees in her aunt's garden.

"A goat willow," said her aunt, who sat next to her on a white wrought-iron garden chair reading a book.

It was warm today, with very little breeze, and the two women were content to simply sit among the flowers and nettles, enjoying the air and listening to the sounds of summer.

"It's a very pretty tree," said Holly.

"Willows are among my favourites," said her aunt. "Especially the weeping variety."

"What would we do in a world without trees?" asked Holly.

"Well, you wouldn't be called Holly for a start."

More snapshots

Looking through a pile of old photographs hidden away then unpacked when we moved house – gives me comfort, strangely. They are pictures from my childhood and before my birth, of my parents, sisters, grandmother, cousins and aunts, of my nieces and nephews and their spouses and children. The photos remind me of a loving upbringing, albeit a little unconventional and troubled at times. But I saw no real hardship or suffering, just internal struggles, the kind that many people had and still have, but learn to deal with in various ways. My mother was very discontented, my father distant. They made a strange pair but muddled along somehow with the three of us daughters caught in the crossfire, Margaret, the eldest, coming off worst. Sophie, the middle one, a happy and contented soul, and me, the youngest, forever searching and striving for a life of happiness and contentment. Perhaps I have found it at last.

Snapshots

My grandmother on my mother’s side had never heard the words ‘cholesterol’ or ‘body mass index’. She never went running or walking or cycling. She didn’t need to. She was strong as an ox and lived to 86. She tended her garden, despite arthritis, and grew her own vegetables, which she picked, peeled, scraped and chopped. She was a stout woman and every day she wore a blue housecoat because there was always work to be done. We feared her slightly, my sisters and I, when we stayed at her cottage in the summer. She wouldn’t tolerate arguments or squabbles, or ungratefulness. I heard her swearing once, when she found us in the woods near the cottage, playing with a gang of local boys. We were only climbing trees but she was furious. All we wanted after that episode was to go home to our carpeted bedrooms in Scotland. We’d had enough of bare floors in our English country prison. Our punishment was to peel the potatoes for dinner, shell the peas and chop the mint. Harsh indeed!

My favourite part of the day when we stayed at my grandmother’s was the afternoon, when the old deckchairs were brought out of hibernation into the heat of the sun. (It was always hot back then.) We flopped down in a sheltered corner and dozed to the sound of bees buzzing gently round the foxgloves. Then the sound of china cups and saucers being carried on a tray would bring us back to blissful consciousness and through half-closed eyes we would watch Granny pour the hot amber liquid from a silver teapot. Then she would cut us a slice of fruitcake, still warm from the oven.

On thundery days we would retreat to the shelter of the cottage, the roof so low that my father, not a particularly tall man, had to bend over to avoid the wooden beams. The adults dozed in armchairs while my sisters and I played or read dusty books.

Bus notes

First day back at work after two weeks of hibernation. It's dark, it's cold, and I want to be tucked up in bed. The bus pulls into the hospital terminal as usual. It's good to be back in a routine again, despite having a head full of cotton wool. The devil will find work for idle hands and all that. Not just idle hands but idle minds. I never realised until I reached middle age just how important work is. It is too easy to dream and fantasise about winning the lottery or marrying someone rich and having nothing to do but lie in bed and eat chocolate. But we must have a purpose in life, otherwise what is the point of existing? Is it purely to seek pleasure and happiness? Of what use is that? It is better to search for meaning, because happiness is only fleeting and cannot be sustained. Meaning, however, is the driver of our internal engines. It is what motivates us to go to work every day. Without meaningful work we are nothing but idlers and wasters.
We're here. I put my notebook away.

A fresh start

So. I've done the binge TV-watching and After Eights for breakfast. Now what?
Well, there's a lot for me to look forward to in 2018. An imminent house-move for one thing. A new place, a fresh start. It will be hard, having lived in the same flat for 24 years, but I feel the time is right. The new flat feels right, too. As soon as we walked in, Patrick and I, it felt like home. We couldn't see the garden because it was dark, but we know it's big and private. I have big plans for the garden. Rose trees for one thing. I always wanted rose trees. I'm picturing a winding path leading from the gate to a little arbour, nestled in the rose bushes. I'm imagining sitting there on a Spring day, watching my two little dogs playing happily, chasing insects and elusive cats, new smells and sounds to keep them busy.
I will find a place to set up a study, a place I can retreat to when I crave solitude. Perhaps my new surroundings will spur me on to write.
There will be drawbacks, perhaps, but the positives will outweigh the negatives.
A new year, a new house and a fresh start.
Happy 2018!

Kyle's diary

Monday

My teacher gave me a diary today. She said I have to write in it every single day for three weeks! I don’t know what to write! She said it is better to write in my diary than play computer games. I hate writing. It’s boring. I got to level 3 of Bubble Fish.

Tuesday

I fell asleep at my desk today. The teacher shouted something and I woke up. Everyone was laughing at me. If I didn’t have to write in this stupid diary, then I wouldn’t be so tired.

Wednesday

Mum caught me with my games tablet under the covers tonight. I tried to pretend I was asleep, but she pulled the covers back and found it. She said if she finds me with it again she’ll kill me. She won’t really kill me of course, but she’ll take it away. She’s says it’s not good for me to always play computer games. She tries to get me to read books, but I hate books. They’re boring. I didn’t tell her about the diary. I’m keeping that a secret.

Thursday

I scored 1000 points on Beat the Barbarian. Hooray! That’s my favourite game at the moment. My friend Lewis could only get 350! Ha ha. That will show him. He always thinks he’s cleverer than me.

Friday

I’m on a new game now. It’s called Shoot to Kill. It’s for older boys, but Mum will never know. Beat the Barbarian is for babies.

Saturday

I’ve just woken up from a really bad dream. Someone was chasing me with a gun. I was trying to hide but they found me and shot me. I’m not going to play Shoot to Kill anymore.

Sunday

I could hear my mum and dad arguing tonight. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, just their voices getting louder and louder. I think Dad is having problems at work or something. Mum is always worried that we haven’t got enough money. Dad tells her not to worry, but that seems to make her worse.

Monday

I nearly fell asleep at my desk again today. No one saw me, thank goodness. I hate it when people laugh at me.

Tuesday

My dad didn’t go to work today. He didn’t even get out of bed. Mum was screaming at him to get up. I scored 600 on Smash Kids.

Wednesday

Lewis’s Dad bought him a new tablet. I’m crying about it now. I hate Lewis.

Thursday

Lewis and I had a fight in the playground. I told Mum I fell over but she didn’t believe me. She was really angry and made me go to bed early. Dad got up today but he didn’t get dressed. Mum goes out every night now, so I can play games all night if I want to. Ha ha!

Friday

Dad looks like a ghost. I don’t like it – he scares me. I’m on to the next level of Smash Kids. That will show Lewis. He thinks he’s so great all the time.

Saturday

I heard Mum come into my room tonight. I pretended to be asleep and hid my tablet under the covers. She leaned down and kissed me and stroked my forehead. She hasn’t done that since I was a baby.

Sunday

Mum said she’s going away for few days. I heard her tell Dad that if he didn’t get another job soon she was going to leave him – forever! I really hope he gets a job soon. I don’t want my mum to leave. I cried when she left.

Monday

I slept in and was late for school today. I forgot to set the alarm. I had to get my own breakfast. Dad was still in bed when I left and he was still there when I came home. Nan came round and cooked us tea. She took some in for Dad on a tray, but he didn’t eat it. I’m really worried about him. I wish Mum would come home.

Tuesday

I got to school really late again and the teacher took me into her office and asked me if everything was all right. I told her that Dad wasn’t very well. I didn’t tell her about Mum, though.

Wednesday

When I got home, Dad was asleep on the sofa in his dressing gown. The TV was on and there were beer cans all over the place. I tried to get him to wake up, but he was out cold. When Nan came round she was really angry. She gave me some money for fish and chips and when I came back, Dad was lying on the sofa with a blanket over him. Nan sent me up to my room. I ate my fish and chips and went to bed.

Thursday

Mum still hasn’t come home. Dad’s beard is getting bigger. He hasn’t had a wash for days. I tried to ask him if he was alright, but he just told me to go away and play my games. I took my tablet to bed but I couldn’t be bothered with it. What’s the point? I wish Mum would come home. Computer games are boring. I wish Dad could get a job.

Friday

Lewis was boasting today about his new tablet that his Dad bought for him. I told him my Dad was going to buy me an even better one. When I got home from school, Dad was in bed. He was still wearing his dressing gown and he was lying there moaning. I told him I hated him for making Mum go away. He said a word that I know is really rude, so I’m not going to write it here. I’m really angry with him, but I know it’s not his fault he can’t find a job. I wish Mum would come home.

Saturday

My Nan came over and spent the whole day with us. I feel safe when Nan is here, even though she shouts a lot. She shouted at Dad to pull himself together. In the evening, Nan and I watched a cartoon together. I asked her where Mum was, and she said that she had had to go away for a few days because she had a few problems she needed to sort out. I started to cry and Nan said that life isn’t always a bed of roses, whatever that means. I couldn’t sleep after that because my throat felt tight from crying.

Sunday

Got up really late today. When I went downstairs, there was a doctor sitting at the kitchen table. Nan was biting her nails and she looked really worried. She gave me a hug and said that Dad would need to go to hospital for a while. She made me go upstairs and pack a bag, because I was going to be staying at her house. The doctor left and an ambulance came for Dad. I watched from my bedroom window. Two men had to help him walk to the ambulance. He was all hunched over and just staring at the ground. I told him not to worry, Mum would be home soon. He couldn’t hear me of course. Nan made me sausages and mash for tea.

Monday

It’s a bank holiday today, so I didn’t have to go to school. I woke up in my Nan’s spare room. There was a radio on in the kitchen and Nan was frying bacon. I felt very peaceful. I went to get my games tablet from my bag but it wasn’t there. I must have left it in my bedroom at home. I felt really sad at first but it doesn’t seem to matter anymore. I just want my mum and dad back again. Thank goodness I’ve still got my diary.